Teacher

When I was a kid, one of my fondest memories was being outside with my friends at recess, pretending we were teachers, or vets or doctors. Our imaginations were endless with the possibilities.

As we grew up, each one of us had different ideas of what we wanted to be when we grew up. Mothers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, accountants, counselors... the list goes on and on.

As a teenager, I wanted to be a guidance counselor in the HS. I remember Mrs. Stahl, whom I was a teacher assistant for during my study hall. She helped me get through a lot when I was a senior in high school, pregnant and scared. So I wanted to be like her and help other girls and guys with their problems.

Of course, as a teenage mom, the possibilities aren't always available. I had to work in the evenings, Shane worked suring the day, and we took turns caring for Cameron. Shane was adamant that I would stay at home with him and he wouldn't go to daycare. I was totally agreeable to that.

Shane started going to school in the evenings in 2001. We struggled and struggled and finally in 2009, he graduated with flying colors and has his bachelor's degree. I was so excited for him, but inside maybe a little jealous. While I had gone to real estate school, and easily passed the state test, and was positive that was what I wanted to do with my career, I felt void still.

I worked after Cameron got into school at the schools. I was an instructional assistant for a life skills classroom, which just kind of fell into my lap as I was substitute teaching at the HS in Sheridan. I went on to be an I/A at Westfield for another 2 years. However, there was a law passed that all paraprofessionals (I/A's) would have to have at least 60 credit hours to be employed as an I/A. I was crushed. I have tried to get in and have applied and interviewed, but as soon as it comes up I have no degree, I am a lost cause and a waste of time.

Last fall, I was supposed to start going to Ivy Tech to start a degree, but decided to stop and not add any more debt to our student loans from Shane's venture, and just be the perpetual part timer I have always been. I could go back into real estate, while I substitute teach, and be able to pay for board of realtor fees and all that, but the more I sit here and think, the more I pray about what God has in store for me, the more I feel like He is telling me to go with my first reaction. Go back to school. Do what you always wanted to do. I had previously started to school at IU Kokomo when Cameron was 2, but we definitely couldn't afford it, so I had to quit. And now, the thought of going to school and having to sit and listen to some professor drone on and on makes me nervous. But, I got online last night and looked. I can do a lot of classes online. In fact, I can get an associate's degree in Early Childhood Education completely online. The transfer the cresits to get my bachelor's in Elementary Education....or I can do a general studies Associate's degree completely online and then transfer to a secondary education degree later on. When I think about what it is I really, truly want to be when I grow up, the answer has stared me in the face for years. I want to be a teacher. The thought of going into an office and selling real estate doesn't appeal to me nearly as much as being in a classroom with a class of kids that want to learn. I originally wanted to pursue an elementary degree, with my kindregarten endorsement, but the more I thought about it, I want to be a HS english teacher. Maybe do newspaper or journalism class, or yearbook. English is my best subject and if I were to be a teacher in HS, I would be an english teacher. So, I am praying that God will guide me to the right path. Am I supposed to go back to school now? At 31 years old? By the time I was finished with my degree, be in my mid to late 30's? But, a teacher can teach long after retirement age so long as they are healthy enough...so maybe...just maybe....

I find myslef longing to be in a classroom, so I sub at Westfield Schools and love it. But it's not the same as it was when I was an I/A in the classroom and had a class of kindergarteners all morning where they knew me, came to me for help, etc. Real estate cannot get me that same kind of enjoyment. Yes, I love houses. Yes, I enjoy showing homes and selling home, but it doesn't fulfill me the way being at school does. I love getting to know the kids and being around them and helping them learn.

Who knows what God has in store for me. maybe I am supposed to be an elementary teacher, maybe a HS english teacher, maybe a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I feel God is telling me that I am supposed to be a teacher. But in order to be a teacher, I must first be taught, so I am pretty sure that school is in my near future. yikes! I am going to have to put myself out there and head back to school.

In the meantime, I will substitute and enjoy every minute of it.